


Guilty pleasure

by yukari_shii



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8432995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukari_shii/pseuds/yukari_shii
Summary: After loosing something precious some people can go nuts: Memory loss can change someone behavior; A brother loss can make feelings burn. For a mutant turtle, it could be so more complicated than life itself.The written version of my comic with the same name:https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=1227665





	1. Chapter 01

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Guilty Pleasure](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/249133) by yukarishii. 



He never thought it would really happen. They all believed Splinter was the better fighter they had ever known: faster, stronger and always thinking on the flash. But he was getting old, and Shredder was a dishonorable bastard.

Splinter was there, fighting Shredder alone while the drills and engines were working too close and too loud. Loud enough to hurt Splinter’s sensitive ears and make him back off a little on his fight. The Turtles were trapped on the outside, too busy fighting the foot to try to do anything to help. They were winning if you could call it that. Don had fallen in the corner, too weak to continue. Mikey was unconscious, and Raph was out of his mind. Leo was not able to be very helpful to his Master either; he was too focused on keeping Don and Mikey from getting more hurt to notice what was happening on the other side.

“You are weak, rat. I win,” Shredder said, laughing. Leo didn’t turn around in time to see the gauntlet from Splinter's chest.

“Did you?” Splinter replied, trapping the gauntlet in his hands and pushing both bodies against the drill. 

Leo heard Raph and Don scream, but his mind was blank. His world stopped. He saw blood and flesh twist in the drill and heard the agonized screams from both of them. But that couldn’t be his Master, that couldn't be his father. That had to be just some kind of puppet. A furred puppet created by the Shredder to drive them crazy.

Raph stood up before any of them could react, and ran to where his father laid. Trying to stop his brother, Leo got distracted as the knife of a fallen Foot thread into his leg. Feeling the adrenaline in his veins, Leo lifted his swords and dispatched the lasts Foot Ninjas still fighting. His plastron had so much blood that he didn’t know if it was his or of the enemy. Not like it mattered, because he wasn’t feeling any injuries. In fact, he wasn't feeling a thing.

“Leo,” Don whispered, stopping Leo like a cold shower. Breathing to get control again, he looked around. The cloudiness in his mind vanishing a little, he forced himself to not think of Splinter. To not focus on him, at least. This wasn’t the time to panic, because he needed to think of his brothers survival.

Leo shook himself and looked into Don's eyes. He knew Don called to force a little of sanity in his mind. He knew he needed to ensure that everything would be fine, so he tried to smile. But Don always understood his thoughts. 

“I’m getting them out of there. Take care of Mike, please,” Leo said with a sigh, throwing the broken sword on the floor. Don nodded. 

As he ran, he felt his injuries burn. His exhaustion started to weigh his steps. His legs were starting to fail and his mind was getting dizzy. Could that blade have been poisonous? He couldn’t care about that at the very moment, not while he knew Raph was not safe. Not while he knew his father's body laid on that cold ground.

He felt tears in the back of his eyes. Everyone knew he and Raph had always been the same when it came to their tempers. The difference is that Leo was always afraid of failing, always had bad feelings about everything. He never could act following the wave of his emotions like Raph did. And sometimes, he really hated it. Because swallowing those feelings were making him nuts.

Leo saw Raph in the hall, kneeled in front of Splinter’s body. The drill had already stopped, making the silence terrifying like a nightmare. He was afraid to go too close, to accept this was really happening. He didn't want to see.

Looking around, Leo realized they were alone, they were alone all the way in.

“Raph, we need to go,” He whispered, sensing that something was definitely wrong.

Raph didn’t reply, he just got Splinter in his arms to stand. Leo was going to help him when the sound of a groan froze them both. Shredder’s body was lifting off the drill, bleeding, but his eyes were still open, making Leo's grip on his blade tight Raph turned ready to fight, even with Splinters weight in his arms.

“Raph, we need to go. Now!” Leo said more firm, touching Raph’s arm.

“Suck it! I’ll kill this bastard.”

Leo took a deep breath, feeling his legs starting to loose balance. This was definitely not the time to argue. Even if Leo wanted to kill him too, to make him suffer for what he had done to their family. But he needed his family to be alive, and that feeling of something being wrong was becoming strong. That, and the stubborn dizziness.

“If Shredder is alive, Splinter could be too. Take him out of here before it’s too late.” Leo’s words dropped to a tone more like a plead than a command. Raph hesitated, shifting his eyes from the Shredder to Splinter, and then to Leo’s arms bleeding. “I can finish him. I’m not trying to play hero. But you are the only one who can get Splinter out now. I’m trusting him with you.” It was kind of a dirty trick, Leo knew how these words would affect Raph more than any of the others. But he couldn’t think of any other argument to make him go. He knew how much Raph cared about everyone, how his rage blinds his mind sometimes. And how, after some maturity comes, he could transform the rage in adrenalin to push him. To do things even with injuries and fatigue.

Raph finally nodded, tightening his grip on the furred body and started to run. Shredder was already crawling over the floor, trying to escape somewhere. Leo placed his blade to the side of his head, pinning him to stay still.

“You foolish turtle. If we don’t get out of here, we’ll explode with this building,” Shredder whispered weakly, blood falling from his mouth.

Bombs. That explains why he was rushing to finish that battle. But the range of this explosion couldn’t be too big, or else he probably would have left before; Leo thought. He fell on his knees, gasping. He couldn’t run anymore.

Pushing his katana on Shredder’s shoulder, Leo locked him in place to allow his uninjured hand free. He did so to get his transmitter, but he couldn’t deny that his enemy's agonized roar gave his body a raw sense of pleasure.

“Don, are you there?” Leo asked on the phone.

“I’m here. Mikey is fine, just didn’t wake up yet.”

“Do you see Raph?”

“No. Is he not with you… Oh, wait... He is coming. Where are you?”

“How far are you from the building?”

“What? Where are you?”

“Just answer. How far?”

“I don’t know, a little. Almost 100m.”

“Pay attention: You all need to drop in the river and stay there, ok? Make Raph understand that you all NEED to stay in the water. Promise you’ll do it.”

“But…”

“Promise!”

“Ok, ok. I’ll do it. But what’s happening? Where are you?”

“I love you, Don. I love you all.”


	2. Chapter 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about post the written version just after doing my comic. But the explore thing would be pointless.  
> Saying the truth, probably the final could be different. But I believe that for experience, read the comics before could be better.
> 
> For who that want to see the comics too:  
> https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=1227665  
> Advising: some things are different. Because words and drawing lead me on different ways.

Don knew something was wrong. He didn't need to be a genius to know it. 

Leo was definitely in danger. The kind of danger that would make you say something that you never would unless you knew you were going to die. 

He tried to call him back, but Leo didn’t answer. He probably crashed his phone. 

“Dammit!” Don cursed, as he got Mikey on piggyback to turn around. “What’s going on?!” He screamed. Raph looked exhausted, carrying Splinter like he was heavier than he really was. 

“He might be alive.” With a nod, Raph pointed to Splinter's body. “Shredder was. Leo stayed back to take care of him.” In a hot flash, Don understood what was going on. He needed to make a decision about whether to tell Raph what Leo was planning and go rescue him, or do what Leo had made him promise. 

Never in Don’s life had he argued with Leo about his orders. Never in Don’s life had he done anything to risk his family’s life. And never in Don’s life had he done anything that felt so wrong. 

When the wave from the explosion made them dive in the lake, it was too late to regret.

__________________________

 

Splinter was alive. If anyone really could call that a life. 

He didn’t wake up. And even if no one said anything about it, they didn’t believe he could wake up someday. They weren’t children anymore. 

As soon as Mikey woke up, they all went back to the building in search of Leo, hoping to find their brother alive... but hope can sometimes be cruel. 

After two days of exhausting search in the debris and rubbles, they found a shell's piece, burned nearly to ash. Raph almost didn’t recognize it, but Don did. He needed the DNA test to be sure, and the result drained his vital force. 

Mikey whimpered; his tears and sobs filled the lair for hours until he finally fell asleep. He was the youngest, and out of all of them, he was the one who most resembled a normal sixteen-year-old boy's demeanor. 

Don kept staring at the computer screen without a blink, frozen in place as if convinced that the result would change someway. Even when the lab was empty, even after the screen switched off itself, he kept staring. 

Raph screamed and went for a run without direction. He ran until he didn’t feel his legs anymore, trying to wash his mind, burn that feeling. He ran until he didn’t know where he was. Until his pain disappeared. But the pain didn’t disappear. And he couldn’t run anymore. 

He didn’t come home that night.

______________________________

 

Don locked himself in the lab while searching for what he knew was a lost cause, but it was the only thing which made his mind go blank. He stayed with Splinter and searched for something to heal his father. But he didn’t know that most of all he was trying to heal his heart. He never found any of these. 

His mind was blank when Mike came to make him eat, or bathe. He saw his little brother in the doorframe staring with concern, giving a sad smile. Don didn’t know how he could smile. Didn't he know what happened? Didn’t he know what he had done? 

With an involuntary move, his eyes shifted to that cracked shell. And as if his mind awakened, he finally collapsed. 

Feeling his eyes burning, Don saw the tears began to fall on his hands without understanding from where these tears were coming. He thought he didn't have the right to cry or to be sad, because Leo was not there anymore, and it was his fault. Don thought he could have stopped Leo, bring him back. He was the only one who knew what he was planning to do and he let him do it anyway. 

No, he didn’t deserve those tears. He was trying to not let his emotions take control, and he was doing well just avoiding the subject, but the tears were hurting too much to stay there. 

Mike came to embrace him. First, he was frozen, but the feeling of his hand petting was like a trigger. Finally giving up, he hid his face in his brother’s neck, letting the tears wet his shoulder. Don felt small and confused, angry with himself and sad. All those emotions went deep and hurt, overflowing like a cascade. He embraced Mike back letting the sobs come.

_______________________

  
  


Things were beginning to be better. Not normal. Nothing could be normal anymore, not without Leo, or with Splinter unconscious. But they were eating again and talking. At least Mike and Don were talking. 

Raph was like a zombie and the other turtles almost didn’t see him anymore. Don thought he was avoiding him since that day. Mike said Raph just needed time. But Mike didn’t know that Don was avoiding him too. Because Raph knew what happened that day. What Don did to Leo. And he didn’t want to see it in his eyes, see them blame him.

Don wasn’t just avoiding Raph. He was avoiding the dojo too, and Leo’s room. 

Somehow in his mind, it was like Leo was still there, training and doing his kata, or just meditating in his room. 

Somehow in his mind, he thought if he could avoid those places, tomorrow they were going to see Leo. He would smile, and maybe he could say those words again. And this time, this time Don would say, “I love you too, Leo.” 

Don was doing well with that fake reality until the day when Leo’s room was opened. Leo never left his door open, and that kind of felt wrong. Don was just going there to close his door. It was what his big brother would like. 

When he stopped in the door frame, Don saw him. Raph was sitting on Leo's bed, watching the floor with a frown he had never seen before. 

“You couldn’t come in here.” Raph’s voice surprised Don, more hoarse than usually like he didn’t open his mouth for weeks. 

“Neither could you.” Don didn’t use a rude tone, wanting to get away from there quick. 

"I don't really care if ya stay, though..." Don froze with those words because that was Raph’s kind of way to ask him to stay. 

Don didn’t know why he turned back or settled by his side. They stayed quiet for a while, with Don starting to regret each time he breathed. That room had Leo’s scent; a mix of candle wax, green tea and something else that had always allured him. A smell that was making him dizzy. 

“You always fix things, Don.” Raph finally whispered. “Could you just, I don’t know, make me forget something?” 

“You want to forget Leo?” He was not really surprised and didn’t blame him either. He too thought that forgetting Leo was the best thing they could do. Because that was hurting too much. 

“Nah. I don’t think I’d forget him at all. Just… Just some things.” 

Like some feelings, Don wondered. He realized a long time ago how Raph looked at Leo when he thought no one was watching. From all four of them, Don was the first to became aware of some strange reactions when they were too close. Always blaming Mother Nature was his way to accept that, until the day he realized it wasn’t just some kind of mating season, but real feelings that he was developing. 

And when the way Raph started to act changed near Leo, something like relief fulfilled him. Until Leo seemed to start longing Raph's reaction, making the relief change to jealousy. 

“Suck it.” 

“Uh?” 

“That was the last thing I said to him.” Raph and Leo fighting was pretty common, but when Raph crossed the line he always apologized. Always. “Heh, Dad said once that we need to think before we throw words. Now I know what he was trying to say with that -Words don’t return- thing. I… I don’t remember the face he made the last time or his words. Even his voice on that day is a blur. But what I said… I just can’t get it out of my head. Why didn't I say anything else? Something important like… like...”

 “Like that you loved him.” Don didn’t realize he said it out loud until he felt Raph’s eyes raising in his direction, shocked and a little confused. He couldn’t stand it, still staring at the floor. Because there was no misunderstanding about what kind of love he was referring to. 

“How did ya… Since when?” 

Don gulped, not thinking about what to say, but how to. 

“I saw the way you looked at him. First I thought it was some kind of resentment, it was two years ago. As I thought a little more I realized this resentment was not against him, but yourself. You had some kind of need whenever you stared at him.” Raph growled at the word needy, but Don kept talking. That was something he had been chewing over for too long to just gulp down. He tried to be defensive, but instead, he started to accuse without knowing what he was doing. “The way you changed your behavior in front of him was because of that, isn’t? I mean, you started to push him, argue about every single thing. Why did you do it?” Don would normally have been gentler with him, but the reality was he couldn't... not about this.

 Raph stayed quiet for a long time staring at him. When he started to speak, his voice was husky.

 “I was… afraid. Afraid that he would find out about my feelings. Shell, I didn’t know my feelings until that day he was beaten hard. And when I understood… It was like…. Like I tease him to catch his attention. I don’t know, It’s kinda selfish, but I couldn’t stop.”

 That was probably the first time they had a heart to heart for real. Don knew that even with a small family, brothers normally weren’t an open book to each other. He has never in his life imagined Raph saying his true feeling like that. Not to Don. 

His guts tightened with that thought. Because Don wasn’t sharing his heart in response. That wasn’t fair.

“It's been five years now,” Raph continued. “There where times I thought I was going to go nuts. If he knew…he’d be disgusted.” He breathed deeply. No, Don knew Leo would never be disgusted. He would be worried and probably withdraw himself, which was the reason Don had never said anything either. “Wouldn't you?” 

That surprised Don.

 “No. How could I?” He saw some kind of the pain in Raph’s eyes when he finally raises his own. Was he hurt because he thought Don would be disgusted? “You… You were avoiding me because of that?” 

“I’m dirty, ok?” He suddenly raised his voice, not with rage, but guilt. “How was I suppose to face ‘im… to face you or Mike?” 

“You should think better of me. I thought you blamed me!” Don wasn’t really angry, but he yelled at him, and that was something he never did. Because he wasn’t dirty, not Raph. And yeah, you could tell he was just trying to change the subject, dragging Raph’s attention to Don’s own injuries because he was so tired of hiding from his own brother, tired of running from those poisonous thoughts. “I knew what he was about to do… We could have returned, got Leo out of there. If I had said…” His word was cut by his own whimper. Don’s eyes started to water, and with his insides squeezing, he buried the face in his hands.

 Shyly, Raph embraced him. It took Don some time to return the gesture. He felt ashamed for being a big crying baby, doing the same thing he did with Mikey a few days before. 

“Shaddap,” Raph whispered in Don’s ears, his voice softer than his words. “If we had returned, we could be all dead now. You know it, so do we. No one blames you, so stop't.” 

Don whimpered, surprised about the way Raph said that. Like he was angry about the way Donnie had been thinking all these days. Relief filled him like water in a bottle, making his tears began to stop. 

“You aren’t dirty, Raphie,” he whispered in the other’s neck, nuzzling it a little. Trying to give comfort like his brother did to him. “If you are, I am too.” 

Raph’s body froze for a second.

 

Don didn’t know what he was thinking in that moment. But he knew the smell of Leo in that room mixed with Raph’s own scent was alluring him. He knew the noise of their hearts thumping like crazy was making him dizzy.

  
And he knew his lips on his skin felt warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... RaphxDon is not exacly my thing. But when it came to me, I just couldn't stop myself.
> 
> I'm still looking for a Beta. Someone interested?


	3. Chapter 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, from here on I really don't know exacly what I'm doing. I wrote it a long time ago, but I've been rewriting so many times.  
> So, probably this chapter will have modifications after. And on the comic it definitely will be totally different!
> 
> I have just some general idea about how it'll work. But If some of you have some idea to help me on the plot, it'll be really cool before I draw!

If Mikey could scream something to God, it would probably be, “Death sucks!”. Because in reality when one is just sixteen years old, you don't really think about a family member passing. Not with your own brother. Even with your own father.

He didn’t know what hurt more; that Splinter had never wakened up, or the way Raph and Don were acting since that day.

No one said anything for weeks after Splinter’s death. But it was different to the silence after Leo’s. While the first was respectfully and sad, mourning for Leo was angry and dreadful.

At least they stayed together.  After all, they didn’t know how the only three siblings could split apart. But Mike knew they weren’t together in the way they used to. He wasn’t dumb. He knew something was going on between them. Sometimes he heard Don sobbing in his room, followed by Raph’s steps. And then, in the next morning, there was that awkward feeling in the air. Sometimes the evidence of what they had done was too clear for Mikey not to notice.

They weren’t kids anymore. And it sucked.

Raph and Don were getting comfort in a wrong way. But how could he blame them? Indeed, how could he even say anything? “Hey, bros. I know you are fucking each other because Leo isn’t here anymore. But you need to satisfy yourself with your hand because it’s breaking our family.”

Yeah, ok. Like it won’t break the family too.

He didn’t want to be part of that weird ritual their brothers had begun.

Brothers. That sounds strange to him now, but to say the truth, the fact that they didn’t say anything to him hurt more than anything else. Raph and Don thought he wasn’t feeling Leo’s loss too? The fact that he didn’t want to sleep with them didn't mean he didn’t care. Or that he didn’t love Leo.

After Shredder's death, New York became less interesting. Karai took the Foot to Japan with her. She never came after them for vengeance. Mikey believed she never really cared about that. It was all her father thing, and she became just upset with Leo. Sometimes he wondered if she had some type of relationship with him. Not like it really matters. But maybe, if they weren’t children of who they were, his brother could be alive. And Karai would be his sister in law? Well, he could accept that if that meant Leo would be alive.

But now they have just a few marginals to fight against, and the purple dragons had never been a real threat. Now, They were dealing with some odd cases. Don’s fault.

He really didn't remember how it all started. Don found an organization keeping creatures to entertain some millionaires with dirty desires. He didn’t specify exactly what kind of creatures they were going to rescue, but he thought they were freak dudes. Their kind of freaks anyway, like Raptarr or the merpeople.

Mikey was at a small building in the middle of nowhere, trying to reach inside while Don was in the van. Raph was covering him. The plan was just to free the prisoners, take some photos, and get out before someone noticed. Nothing big.

The problem was that someone had the same idea. But without the stealth part.

“The shell is happening?” Raph yelled at Don in the interphone. “Ya said the alarm was off!”

“It is! This is not alerting that someone got in. Someone is trying to flee!” They heard Don typing on the other side, and then he cursed. That’s never a good sign. “Get out of there, you two! This building can explode!”

“Oh shit.” Mikey turned around, just in time to feel Raph pulling him from the shell. He always has been faster than all four, but that didn’t matter to Raph, and even if they were almost to the exit, he threw him to the ground. “Hey! I have legs!” Mikey complained, but Raph didn’t seem to hear. Following his eyes, he saw Don running to their side, wearing a gas mask.

“Raph! Mike! Put these on.” He handed them two masks the same as his.

“What?! It won’t blow up?”

“I thought the gas leak was explosive, but it seems to be just poisonous.” Don’s voice was anxious.

“Just poisonous?! All the people in this build will die!” Raph yelled, helping Mikey to stand.

“And if you don’t wear it, so will you.”

Raph didn’t argue. He doesn't argue anymore, even if he was about to explode. He just put his mask with a grunt, turning to gaze the building. “What we do now?”

“Let just get everyone out of there.” Don didn’t finish before he started to enter.

“Are you sure it won’t explode?” Mikey asked, following.

“Yeah.” He was in front of them, turning his head over his shoulder a little. His voice muffled. “But we need to hurry. We can absorb it through our skin. A little won't kill, but if one of you starts to feel dizzy, get out and don’t enter anymore.”

“We won’t have time to save everyone. Take the prisoners first!” Raph yelled from the back, seeing them nodding. “Ya remember the map, Mikey?” he nodded again. “Me and Don gonna go to where they are kept. Go to the rooms to see if they have some of them there, you are faster.”

Without reply, Mikey went to another direction, not before Raph gave a little squeeze to his arm. He always did that before any mission. Dangerous or not. He was afraid to lose another brother without show how he cared for them.

There weren't that many rooms, but they were big, and it made the corridors too long for his little build. What Mikey saw in them made him feel disgusted. On some, chains and handcuffs filled the walls. On others, he saw shock devices, candles, and outfits he didn’t have any idea how to work. Even if he didn’t like to kill someone, he started to feel good to know these people weren’t going to live.

All the rooms were locked and empty, making Mike waste time to check them. Finishing the next floor, he started to feel dizzy. But one, the most lighted and bigger, wasn’t locked. Mikey saw blood overflowing from there and ran, and what he found almost made him faint.

A giant humanoid turtle was in the middle of a pile of dead humans, his shell so injured that it wasn't green anymore, and his body so thin it was difficult to understand how he could be fighting like that. No, not fighting, Mikey realized that none of them tried to strike back. That was a genocide.

Cutting the throat of the last human, the turtle turned to face the intruder. Mikey froze at the door, forgetting what he was doing there.

“Leo?”

“And what are you?” He pointed his weapon to him, which was like a big improvised knife made of some piece of sharp steel. Frowning, he stated on a battle position. “Are you an improvement? They said I was going to be replaced, but I thought it was just a threat.”

“What? You…” Mikey didn’t have time to finish. Almost being cut, he jumped to the side with the nunchakus on hands. He tried to get his mask off to show his face, but Leo took the opportunity to step closer, gripping his neck with his fingers.

“Stop there.” He squeezed his throat, throwing the mask with the knife. “Little freak.”

“Leo…? I’m…” Mikey gasped the words. The dizziness starting to take his mind away until he heard the sounds of steps coming from the corridor.

Raph and Don stopped at the door frame with their weapons ready, but they couldn’t do anything but stare.

“Wow, hello beautiful! It’s looking like we have a meeting here.” The turtle eased his grip a little, just enough to let Mikey breathe again. Looking to the others with a smile.

“Leo?” Raph took his mask off too, dropping his sais on the ground to get closer. But with a final squeeze on Mikey’s throat, the other released him to attack Raph before he could reach. Raph flipped on time, but Don got cut on his bicep and fell on his shell. The turtle straddled him, putting the knife on the side of his head while looking to Raph.

“Stop there. Or I’ll cut this pretty skin.” Even when no one moved, he did cut a little of Don’s shoulder. “Now answer, what are you doing here? Looks like you all knew...”

The turtle fell on Don before he could finish. Mikey had hit his head and was gasping, massaging his throat. Raph ran closer to remove the turtle's body from the top of Don, who looked at him with glassy eyes. He was the only one who kept the mask.

“The gas… We need to get out of here quick.”


	4. Chapter 04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! If you didn't read the changes of the last chapter, go back to read. Are just a few paragraphs, but is pretty important.

Don was stunned. He didn’t know he could have felt that way anymore, not after so much time fighting the government, ninjas, other mutants, and aliens. 

Five years have passed since Leo’s death. And now he was there on his stretcher, with his shell almost destroyed and 27% of his body covered with burn scars. 

But he was alive.

 “Is really he?” Mikey asked from the chair. Looking almost afraid to get closer. 

“Yes, the DNA is positive.” Don’s voice was a trembling whisper. It was difficult to tell those words, because the last time he said, was to confirm Leo’s death. 

“And is he ok?” 

Don breathed deep before speak, going to the other side of the stretcher to lean closer. “He isn’t unconscious because you beat him. He just breathed too much of that gas… I don’t know how he stood it for so long...”

“All these scars are from the explosion, aren’t?” 

“These are.” He put his finger on the bigger scar from Leo’s shoulder, which went along all the way from his cheek and merges into his shell. “And probably his shell is like this because of it too.” He pointed to Leo’s leg. “This is from that knife. It got on his nerves… He can’t walk properly anymore, that’s probably the reason why he couldn’t escape the building like the others.” 

 “You know it’s not because of that.” Raph hissed from the corner. He kept quiet until now, looking somewhat angry. He stared Leo’s body once more and shook his head.“Yeah yeah, Leo is all healthy and alive but you aren’t asking why he tried to kill you and Don! What was he doing there? Why he didn’t come home?” 

“He is confused,” Don said, looking lost in his thoughts. “I didn’t see anything on the exams that could cause an amnesia... He just needs time to understand.”

 “No, he isn’t confused.” Mikey frowned. “He forgot us, Don. Raph is right, he tried to kill me. The strength he used on my throat could kill a human.” 

“No… Leo never…” 

“No, Don! He killed all that people, disarmed people! Leo got five fucking years there doing what? You know him, he was smart and strong, so why he didn’t get home before? Wasn’t so hard to get out from that fucking build! Don’t tell me ya didn’t think about that.” 

“Stop it!” Don yelled back, making Mikey whimper and surprising Raph. He stood to go near him. He wanted to see Raph’s face closer to be sure he wasn’t faking the angry. “You aren’t being fair. Look at his body! Look at his shell, for god’s sake! It’s not like he was on vacation!”

 “I didn’t tell he was! We…” They stopped with the sound of metal box crashing the floor. Turning to see what happened, they saw Leo holding a scalpel from Don’s desk on the younger’s neck.

 “Stop there!” He yelled. “Who are you? What I’m doing here?”

 A long pause stands on the lab, freezing everyone in the place. The first to react was Raph, almost yelling in disbelief. “What are you talking about?! We are…”

 “We are trying to help!” Don cut Raph before he could finish. He realized Leo wasn’t remembering them, and throw everything on his face while he was handing a sharpened object wasn’t the best option. “We went there to save the prisoners, but they had already gone and we found you. You… you misunderstood us. We can explain everything if you calm down, please, let our brother go.”

 Don felt his gut tweaked, waiting until Leo put the scalpel down. But when he thought he would release Mikey, Leo set a quick move sending a hit on Mikey’s neck, making his body fall on the stretcher. Raph was ready to jump on him before he threw Mikey on his arms.

 “Why did you do that?!” Raph yelled, searching his little brother pulse, relieved to find that he was just unconscious.

 “He’s fine, meathead. I know he can handle more. I just thought it isn’t fair three against one.” He crossed his legs, sitting on the stretch. “Now, start to explain.”

 Don breathed deep before speak. “If I told you that we know you before you got there. That we are… related.”

 “Be direct. I don’t like babbling.” Leo said blatantly.

 “We are your brothers!” Raph stepped ahead, pushing Don aside to get closer. “You was gone for five fucking years! We thought you were dead.” 

 “Brother?” Leo asked with a chuckle. His brows frowned. “Really original. It’s Mathew thing, isn’t? I was immature to think he would die just with poisoned gas.”

 “You released the gas? You killed all that people!” 

Leo smiled. A weakly, strange and mean smile that never could be on the kind Leonardo they all knew. It made Raph step up, furious. He just stopped because olive green hands got his shoulder. “Raph, I believe it’s better if you get Mikey to his room.”

 “What? I’m not letting you alone with him!”

 “I don’t think you two yelling to each other will work whatsoever. It had never resolved anything before and never will!” Don yelled back, regretting his words immediately seeing the way Raph’s eyes widened. He stepped back a little, his hand still on his brother's arm. His voice was calm when he spoke again. “Raph, I’ll keep at the door frame. Please, I just want to talk with him.”

 “Of course you do.” Raph hissed low, pushing Don to look at the other turtle. “You can look like Leo, but I don’t care about this DNA result. You aren’t my brother.”

 The other kept the smile, looking fascinated with the show they were doing. He was silent until Raph stepped out. “He isn’t the only one who doesn’t believe in this brother thing.”

 Don breathed deeply, his head starting to ache not knowing how to react. Gulping the words he really wanted to say, he asked instead. “May I ask you how you got into that building?”

 “I have always been there,” Leo said looking to the scalpel in his hand, more relaxed. “They said I was one of their experiences.”

 “So, you don’t remember anything else? Even your name?”

 “They called me Ash because of my smell.” He then raised his eyes to Don, suspicious. “You think I would believe in you just because we are the same specie? As far as I know, you could be just working to Mathew.” 

“We don’t know this Mathew. He is the owner of that company, isn’t?”

 “Oh, so you do know him,” Leo concluded like he was proving a point.

 “I just researched the company and his name shows up,” Don said in a mild ton, trying to not argue. When in reality, he was just trying to not freak out. “If we were his experiences we would be in cages. He is the type of guy who never would deal with… our kind.”

 The other smiled again, so different from what Don remember of his big brother’s smile that made him stiffen a little. “You do have a point. After all, if Mathew had you, he didn’t need to keep me alive.” He looked to the door, past to where Don was, like watching the lair. “So, now what? You are going to keep me prisoner until I remember everything?”

 “I…” Don turned a little to see his back, seeing Raph with crossed arms like a soldier guarding the exit door. He then realized what that looked like: a prison. He didn’t blame him for not trusting none of them. Closing the door behind him, he got courage from somewhere he didn’t know was there to step ahead, ignoring Raph’s yell. He got close enough to kneel on the stretcher in front of Leo, but he didn’t move a hand even when the other put the scalpel on his throat. His voice went kind and light, but firm. “I won’t lock you here.” The scalpel made a tiny cut, not deep enough to really harm, but hurting anyway. Don didn’t flinch. He stayed still to show he wasn’t going to attack him, even to defend himself. “You cannot believe me, but you still are our brother and nothing will change it.” His voice didn’t shake like he felt it would. Even as the cut in his throat started to ache, he focused on the burning of his eyes, trying not to let tears fall. His last words went in a whisper, sounding to him like a plea. “I won’t give up on you again. This time, if you leave… I’ll go with you. ”

Leo’s smile faded, his face turning completely emotionless. He stayed like that for a long moment, staring Don time enough to make him feel uncomfortable. When he released him his smile returned, like a mask he remembered to wear.

 “I’ll stay here until I get bored,” He said, licking the blood from the scalpel before giving it back to Don. He pointed to the door. “Now, is better if you calm down the meat head.”

 Just then Don realized Raph was hitting the door and went there to open it. His brother’s face was red with anger; an expression Don hadn’t seen since his last argument with Leo.

 “What do you think you're doing?” Raph didn’t yell, which Don would rather than that whispered hiss.

 He put his hand on Raph’s chest, trying to sooth him. “It’s alright. We got into an agreement.” Seeing that his brother just frowned in response, he explained “He’ll stay with us. We could make him remember,” he knew he sounded too hopeful, but couldn’t stop.

“Fine,” Raph said coldly, pulling Don out of the lab and closing the door on his back.

 “What are you doing?”

 “If he’ll stay here, he will be locked until we could trust him.”

 “You are being irrational. If we want him to remember, we can’t keep him like a prisoner!”

 Raph didn’t reply, he got Don’s arm and walked upstairs ignoring his complaints. He just stopped after they had entered Mike’s room, turning him around to see his little brother laying on the bed.

 “He did it to Mikey, and your neck is bleeding.” Raph put his finger on the cut to show what he was talking about. He didn’t sound angry although, just sad.

 “It’s noth…”

 “I know what you want to believe. That could be Leo’s body, but until he remember, he is just another mutant turtle.”  Raph’s hand slipped to caress Don’s cheek. “Keep it in mind, ok?”

 “I..” Don leaned his head on the calloused hand, that gesture calming him. He let the tears he was keeping fall “I don’t know how, Raph. I saw him there; breathing and speaking but I just can feel worried. How could he forget us? How could he forget Splinter?”

 “Everything will be alright. You always fix things, remember? Without you, we wouldn’t even find him.”

 “Yeah… maybe.” Don gave a sad smile. “I thought you would be the one creeping out.”

 Raph chuckled. “Me too.” Looking away, his smile faded. He kept some time silent before pushing him just enough to see his face better. “What you gonna do now?”

 Don blinked, confused. “About what?”

 Raph sighed before pull him to start a kiss, but Don turned his face to the side and stopped him with a hand palmed on his brother’s plastron. “Wait.”

 “Are you regretting, Don? I or Mike have never meant anything to you, have we?” 

 “What…?” 

 “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, not to me. Leo came back and now you gonna act like ya guarding yourself to him?” Again, he didn’t looks angry. And it made Don panic. Because an angry Raphael was easy to deal with, but that… Don really didn’t know how to react.

 Seeing his brother confusion and his lack of words made Raph release his grip on his shoulder. “You know what? Forget it.” He huffed before turn around to get out of Mike’s room.

 Don followed him to finish the argument, not certain why he had that necessity to stop Raph from giving him his back. He got Raph’s arm on the way to his own room, but he didn’t turn his face.

 “What do you want, Don?” His voice seemed more tired than anything else.

 “I… I don’t want you looking like that.” Seeing that his brother hadn’t moved, he explained. “You looks like you want to cry. And… and you look at me like it’s my fault. But I don’t know if I know what you want me to do.” He squeezed his arm weakly, trying to get a reaction. When Raph didn’t move, he embraced him from the back. “I’m lost… And I need you by my side, Raph. Like you have always been.”

 Raph finally turned, keeping hold of Don’s hand to keep him closer.

 “Don’t you feel the same?” Don asked, cupping his brother’s face when Raph put his arms on his hips. “I mean, you too lov…”

 With a kiss, Raph interrupted. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to hear the final of that sentence. His grip on the other’s shell strong like he needed that to keep alive.

 This time Don kissed back, letting Raph guide him to the bed. That was kind of a ritual they have been doing all these five years. The heat from Raph’s skin, the strongness of his arms holding him and the strange kindness of his lips; that made him feel safe, made his mind went blank. He couldn’t deny it to himself, he wasn’t strong enough to do so. 

 Raph’s plastron shocked against his, making him lay down on the mattress. His fingers pressing the back of Don’s thighs made him churr, which the younger knew would make Raph be more aggressive. Don always wanted more rough touches when his thoughts weren’t going away easily. But this time his brain looked more stubborn than ever. Even after his skin was covered with bruises, even after he was penetrated deeply, his mind didn’t hung up. Just after some thrusts, when he felt Raph’s teeth dig deeper into his shoulder, he could finally shut off and enjoy the heat a little.  
Just for a little, until Raph released in his inside and he let shame fill him. Because the face he saw when his pleasure was at it’s pick, was that of the sibling locked in the lab downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!! It got forever to be done.
> 
> Sorry, I realized I don't know how to write sex scenes at least not in English. Maybe I could try to do something ahead.  
> But don't worry, on the comic will have a detailed hot scene! ;D

**Author's Note:**

> I have been doing a comic with the same plot than this fic. But I wanted to try and experiment things first, just writing.  
> Soo, something can change even after I had published the chapter. I'll alert before.
> 
> For who that want to see it:  
> https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=1227665
> 
> Of course, the text will be always on the front in the plot.


End file.
